So, some of my readers have decided that I would make a good advice columnist and have started writing me with their problems. New career for me? I will post the original question and my response below.
I'm writing you with my latest career quandary. Lately I've been feeling the urge to live like a true pauper and pursue a career in comedy, but my mom wants me to do something meaningless like going to law or med school. I'd rather go play in an EZ Bake Oven!
What's a girl to do?
(not to be confused with Anne Frank)
You should listen to your mom and cut out the bullshit. There is already too much unfunny clogging up the comedy circuit. I can tell you how your experience will go down exactly. You'll ride the temporary thrill of slumming the pauper lifestyle, making opaque observations about morning-after sex and stealing drink tickets. Eventually you will become bored begging to perform for German tourists and taking drugs from strangers, and will hop on the first meaningless doctor or lawyer who can tolerate the annoying screech you have become, marry him, and brag to your children about how you once subversively mocked American Idol while open mic-ing it in a basement below an Italian Restaurant.
I feel healed. Please feel free to write me with your own questions, I am ready to help.