Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Social Tip # 37 - Anorexia

When I was in middle school I was kind of fat. I mean, I wasn't as fat as those people who have to dress up like vampires so people won't notice how fat they are, but I did only have one friend. And she was anorexic. And I'm pretty sure she only hung out with me to make herself look thinner by comparison.

We ate lunch together everyday. She ate the same thing every day: 1 Diet Coke and 1 rice cake.

One day, while I was wolfing down my own lunch, she caught me staring at her as she was nibbling at her little fucking rice cake.

"What?" she asked

And I was like, "Can I have some?"

She died that year. I probably should have let her finish that rice cake.

Don't feel bad or anything, all anorexics go to heaven. There's enough room for them. It's not a space issue or anything.

3 comments:

katya said...

Oh my GOD, the ending is insane.

Amusing "tips" btw.

katya

skizzbot said...

Everyone knows all anorexics go to heaven... It's those damn bulimics that have trouble getting in. God hates waste. And yellow teeth.

Myka Fox said...

What should you do if you have yellow teeth and you aren't a bulimic? Get caps?

That would be a waste of yellow teeth.

If only the bible gave a clear answer on which he hated more.