Social Tip #243 - A Mid-Century Night's Nightmare
I got hit on at a bar by a much older man. He was good looking I guess for middle age but I don’t know if I’m ready to see fifty-year-old balls. I don’t think I’ve reached that level of depression. Although, ironically, just my being hit on by someone that old dragged my depression almost deep enough for me to consider it. I asked him what he did and he said, "I’m a painter." Oh, hot.
"You paint for a living?" I asked.
“Well, I paint.” he replied, and then he kept talking, "Professionally I sell mid-century furniture."
Wait.... did you say mid-century? Be still my beating clit. Why are you saying mid-century? I just know he used to tell women that he just sold furniture, but then one day he said "mid-century," and a woman crawled into his yellowed bed and he's been saying it ever since. What a cup full of yuck. Mid-century, that just means your sell your furniture, you old fuck.
On his way out he didn’t try to get my number, but he did come in real close, pat me on the back and say, ‘Good luck.” What is that supposed to mean? I’m not sure, but I think it means “I sell mid-century furniture... but I fuck contemporary pussy."