Sunday, June 20, 2010

Social Tip #226 - World War W-2

It is said that if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. I know that's true, because I love to bomb at job interviews.

If I had a nickel for every job interview I bombed, I wouldn't need a job.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Social Tip #225 - Join The Mile Below Club

In high school my gay friend Adam's dad was an executive at American Airlines and had logo-laden model planes all around his office. One day Adam broke the wings off one and taught me and my friend Heather how to give a blow job.
"Here comes the airplane!"

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Social Tip #224 - Get Got

After getting off stage at a stand up show a guy came up to me and said, "Hey, I wanted you to know that I get you. Even though the rest of the audience didn't really get you, I got you."

You don't get me. If you got me, you would know that I need everybody to get me and you wouldn't have said that to me. You don't fucking get me. Fuck you, my one fan, you don't get me.