Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Social Tip #4: Oh, I Hadn't Thought of That

Sometimes I meet people and it turns out that I am not crazy, they are.
Crazy Person: You know what you should do, Myka? You should gain a lot of weight and then take a picture of yourself. Then when you lose it you can show everyone how much weight you lost.
Me: You're retarded, I hope your baby falls down a well.
It is always a mistake to fight crazy with crazy, you will only end up with a crazy enemy, and those are the worst kind (after ghost enemy, those are the scariest). It is safest to end the conversation quickly and politely.
Crazy Person: I love Shakespeare, the way he describes things is really good.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
This makes them think that I am thinking about it now. But I'm not. I'm thinking that I should stop making eye contact in the subway (public transportation... I should stop going to the sandwich shop entirely).
Crazy Person: The only time I get fucked is when I give a fuck. Hello? Are you listening to me? The only time I get fucked is when I give a fuck. Those queers are ruining Chelsea.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

Crazy Person: You know what you're problem is, you think too much.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.


2 comments:

Maria said...

Now I have something to say to all my immediate family members when they tell me what to do in my "shtick". Thank you Myka.

Myka Fox said...

You're Welcome. This social tip is particularly useful for people whose jobs seem easy to outsiders.