Thursday, January 22, 2009

Social Tip #6: Paying a Crazy Tax

In the past I have faked friendships in order to improve my life in some other way, like getting an introduction to someone who lived in the Trump Tower. I paid a Crazy Tax.

Crazy Tax - n. a tax on deceit, paid in sanity to a person who is crazy.

I don't recommend deceit, but if it is going to happen it is better this way than taking advantage of someone who is in love with you. Deceiving a hostile person is just; they want you to lie to them.

I befriended an alcoholic narcissist because she had a room to rent in Gramercy for under $500. She sat poolside with magazines, cutting out celebrity noses to show to her plastic surgeon. The pile of noses she didn't like was much larger than the ones she did. She required me to spend time with her.
NARCISSIST: I am not successful because I don't compromise my intelligence, right? I think it is horrible how people hold it against me that I am more talented and thinner than they are. Don't you think? Aren't they jealous of me?
Yes, of course. They are just jealous. Don't let them hold you down.
NARCISSIST: Are you just saying that because I told you to?
ME: No.
NARCISSIST: I think you should go to my plastic surgeon to have your forehead sculpted. No one will ever take you seriously if you don't do it.
ME: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
NARCISSIST: Don't talk to me like I'm being an asshole. No one else will tell you the truth like I do.
WARNING: (1) You can never pay a crazy tax halfway. If the person you are paying the crazy tax to determines that you are a fraud (and this is likely, hostile people can be very sensitive to bullshit), then all of your efforts will work against you doubly. (2) Associating with a crazy person for gain might lead others to think you are equally crazy.

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