Monday, January 19, 2009

Social Tip #2: Crashing a Party

I like to party and I am poor, so I've found it is best to crash rich people's parties because they have a lot of booze and have nice things to steal. Inevitably, though, what will happen is that you will run into invited guests who want to know who you are and why you are not also wearing a black sequined tank top. Before honing my social skills, the conversation may have gone something like this:
Invited Guest: Sooo..... how do you know Jonathan?
Me: Who's Jonathan?
Rookie mistake. Jonathan is the host, that is why the invited guest wanted to know how I knew him. This is how it should go:
Invited Guest: Sooo...... how do you know Jonathan?
Me: Jonathan and I contribute to the same charitable organization.
Invited Guest: Or really? Which one?
Me: Poor people... reading... to children.
Saying that you contribute to the same charity works because it makes people think that you are rich enough to give your money to strangers. Also, it is hard to get caught in this lie because even if the invited guest knows that Jonathan is a prick and doesn't care about other people, it is impolite to say so to a stranger.

You will find your charity can be useful as the conversation continues:
Invited Guest: Isn't that Jonathan's wrought iron fire stoker?
Me: No, we have the same one. They were given to the top donors at the "Teaching Poor People to Read to Children Semi-Annual Gala." Where were you?
Note: it is important to pick a good charity that is beneficial without question, like teaching poor people to read to children. Don't go out on a limb with anything rich people might find controversial, like finding a cure for AIDS.


elix said...

oh my lordy high in the heavens. this is hilarious.

elix said...

oh my lordy high in the heavens. this is hilarious.

polinaroytman said...


You're perfectly fine socially and you and I don't have problems talking and I'm a girl. So yeah, I think you're harder on yourself than you should be.


Myka Fox said...

nice belt.