Social Tip #104 - THINK HARDER

Someone just told me that when they were little, they used to eat their own poop. I don't remember the last time I heard something so disgusting, let alone repeated it.

Social Tip #4: Oh, I Hadn't Thought of That

Sometimes I meet people and it turns out that I am not crazy, they are.

Crazy Person: You know what you should do, Myka? You should gain a lot of weight and then take a picture of yourself. Then when you lose it you can show everyone how much weight you lost.
Me: You're retarded, I hope your baby falls down a well.

It is always a mistake to fight crazy with crazy, you will only end up with a crazy enemy, and those are the worst kind (after ghost enemy, those are the scariest). It is safest to end the conversation quickly and politely.

Crazy Person: I love Shakespeare, the way he describes things is really good.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

This makes them think that I am thinking about it now. But I'm not. I'm thinking that I should stop making eye contact in the subway (public transportation... I should stop going to the sandwich shop entirely).

Crazy Person: The only time I get fucked is when I give a fuck. Hello? Are you listening to me? The only time I get fucked is when I give a fuck. Those queers are ruining Chelsea.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

Crazy Person: You know what you're problem is, you think too much.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.