Once, an ex-boyfriend called me up and said "I've been missing you." I agreed to hang out with him at his apartment, and when I went to the bathroom I found a trash can full of used condoms, which means...
A) He had not been missing me.
B) He had not taken out the garbage in a really long time.
Either way, gross.
I told him that that was it, that it was over, and he was like, "Nooooo!" and started banging his head on the couch.
I said, "You should start banging your head on the trashcan full of condoms."