Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Social Tip # 191 - Let Me Know Her Better

"Hold the fucking door, I just had leg surgery!"

A woman jumped through the closing doors of the F train, no limping, no crutches, and continued what appeared to be an ongoing phone conversation despite being underground.

"...On the F train. The fucking F train... (notices stroller across from her) ...Oh, I'm sorry, you have a child....Who am I with? My pussy, my ass, my nose, and my brother. Oh wait, and my mouth. All my holes."

I execute a sideways stare to investigate the new love of my life. She is a twenty-something woman in fatigues and fishnets, and while I am trying not to look at her, she is looking around at everyone else and we make eye contact. If she sensed my love/fear, she was not changed by it.

"I don't got a dick, you got a dick. And that shit ain't clean."

I don't believe in God, but I said a little prayer just in case. Please let this woman be going where I'm going. Let me know her better.

"That's not red wine, there's blood on my lip from fighting with my dog. You have nice teeth, ya bitch!"

Then she did a little dance and jumped out the train doors as they were closing at the next stop.

If I never see her again, God doesn't exist.

6 comments:

Ian from Baltimore said...

She's a keeper!

BrianAlt said...

From what I know about you, apparently you hope to never see her again.

Myka Fox said...

That woman was a poet and a whore. I want to see her again almost more than I want god to exist.

BrianAlt said...

Yes, I get it.

Ben said...

Hey, that was ME with the sass on the subway!!!

Wait ... you thought I was a woman?!?

Oscar Devonian said...

The tags read like the badly-translated blurb for an awesome novel.