Social Tip #241 - Don't Throw the Baby Out With the Bathwater

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, let the bathwater drain and throw the baby out with the garbage.

Social Tip #235 - Anticreate

I don't want children, but if I ever did, I would adopt. I don't want a baby that looks like me, I want one that is a product of people so attractive that they had to fuck no matter what.

Social Tip #229 - Youth In Hot Pants

They are making designer diapers. Faux denim hot pants for your baby to piss and shit into. That's best case scenario. If you put those diapers on your baby and it doesn't piss and shit into them,you have an even bigger problem than being a rich douche bag.

What are you doing spending all of your money on your baby like that? What do you think it is, a dog? What's next, you're going to let it sleep in bed with you? Feed it people food? When it gets sick will you take it to the humane society to be euthanized? No, you won't. The humane society is for animals, not humans. Only our pets receive that level of dignity in death. When people refer to being left to die like a dog, I assume they are bragging that they were flown to Portland and administered opiates to ease the pain.

And I don't get the whole hot pants aspect of them. Who are you trying to get to fuck your baby? What park are you taking your baby to, Port Authority?

I'm waiting for the hot pants you can piss and shit into for adults. I'm not talking about adult diapers like depends, these hot pants won't be for people who need them, they will be for people who want them. Like Lindsay Lohan.

Social Tip #221 - Sing Empty Nursery Rhymes

First comes love,

then comes marriage,

then comes the baby in the baby miscarriage.

Social Tip #212 - Preserve Your Memories

What's this? This thing is a souvenir I got to remember the time I stole this thing.

http://www.loupiote.com/moderate/photos/2633654814.shtml

Social Tip #183 - Drink Iced Coffee

I got into an argument with a pro-lifer outside a coffee shop. She tried to prove a fetus was alive by telling me that it already had fingernails and tooth buds.

Yeah? So does a corpse. I think you need to narrow your definition of alive.

If the woman hadn't thrown hot coffee in my face, I imagine the pro-lifer's next logical point would be to say that a corpse doesn't have a beating heart.

And I would say, a chicken has a beating heart, but nobody puts a "Chicken On Board" sign on the back of their car. Would you trap your fetus in a cage until you eventually cut its head off and watched it run around with blood spurting out of its neck? No, you wouldn't, because unlike a stupid chicken, a fetus can't run.

Then the pro-lifer would throw hot coffee in my face again.

Social Tip #8: The Baby Cemetery

Want to make friends but the dog park is full of losers who own dogs? Do what I do:

Go to the baby cemetery.

The people who hang out there are Lone-ly.

Plus, they are great at knitting tiny gloves and hats and have no one to give them to. Of course, I have tiny hands and head. If you are normal sized maybe you should go to the grownup cemetery.