Social Tip #174 - You Can Never Go Back
I went to visit my old elementary school, but when I got there it had changed its name from "Desert Shadows" to "Liberty" and I didn't recognize any of the structures.
I disregarded the no-trespassing sign and hopped a fence to investigate the changes. I had my speech all planned out in case I was approached by security. You can't arrest me, I'm a Liberty alumna, only in 1985 it was called Desert Shadows. I always thought "Desert Shadows" was a depressing name for an elementary, it's a constant reminder that everyone who lives here has to hide in dark crevices to prevent the sun's constant x-ray exposure. But it is still better than "Liberty." If anyone, it is those on the school board who should be apprehended for allowing a war-time name change to proselytize young children into blindly following the American creed. Five years old is too soon for liberty or death.
Later, I learned that my old school hadn't changed at all, I was just at the wrong school.
(actual Desert Shadows Elementary shadow)
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Social Tip #173 - Fuck The System
Watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. Everyone on the show is beautiful and talentless, which is a mistake. The motivation is all wrong; if these people actually get better, they can't be on TV anymore.
The show should be entirely recast; it would be way more interesting to watch seven ugly people stand around an explain how they tricked enough people into sleeping with them to develop an addiction in the first place.
Watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. Everyone on the show is beautiful and talentless, which is a mistake. The motivation is all wrong; if these people actually get better, they can't be on TV anymore.
The show should be entirely recast; it would be way more interesting to watch seven ugly people stand around an explain how they tricked enough people into sleeping with them to develop an addiction in the first place.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Social Tip #168 - Recognize Your Mistakes
Do you ever date someone and they look into your eyes like you are the answer to all of their problems and all you can think is, fuck, I need to stop dating my best friend's little brother?
*Photo by Derek
Do you ever date someone and they look into your eyes like you are the answer to all of their problems and all you can think is, fuck, I need to stop dating my best friend's little brother?
*Photo by Derek
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Social Tip #167 - Be A Good Sport
I watched the World Series, I can't believe major league baseball players have to hi-5 the other team after they lose. They might as well make prosecutors high-5 the the player's defense attorneys after getting them off of rape charges.
Goodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgame.
I watched the World Series, I can't believe major league baseball players have to hi-5 the other team after they lose. They might as well make prosecutors high-5 the the player's defense attorneys after getting them off of rape charges.
Goodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgame.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Social Tip #166 - Rinse And Repeat
"Having a vagina is a pre-existing condition."
-My friend Ruben, warning me about the public option's abortion policy
"Having a vagina is a pre-existing condition."
-My friend Ruben, warning me about the public option's abortion policy
Patterns:
Abortion,
La Vagina del Arbol,
Pre-existing Conditions,
Public Option,
Ruben,
Vaginas
Monday, November 09, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Social Tip #163 - Don't Space Out
A Barcelona-based company is moving forward with plans to open the world's first space hotel in 2012, guests will pay 4.4 million for for a three-night stay in orbit.
Finally, science has found a way for trash to shoot itself into outer space.
A Barcelona-based company is moving forward with plans to open the world's first space hotel in 2012, guests will pay 4.4 million for for a three-night stay in orbit.
Finally, science has found a way for trash to shoot itself into outer space.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Social Tip #161 - Dissolve The Phrase
Wheel of Fortune went to historic Boston this week. The talented lineup: Crazy-Eyed Tina who constantly requested the letter "Ahh," Lena the Snore, and abusive alcoholic (just a guess) Todd, who cursed in the left corner of the screen while Tina was winning. When asked to introduce his family, Todd said, "This is my gorgeous wife, Kathy."
Nice try. If a woman is gorgeous, you don't need to announce it. And how demeaning.
I doubt his wife introduces him with, "This is my handsome husband, Todd."
Todd was hot.
Wheel of Fortune went to historic Boston this week. The talented lineup: Crazy-Eyed Tina who constantly requested the letter "Ahh," Lena the Snore, and abusive alcoholic (just a guess) Todd, who cursed in the left corner of the screen while Tina was winning. When asked to introduce his family, Todd said, "This is my gorgeous wife, Kathy."
Nice try. If a woman is gorgeous, you don't need to announce it. And how demeaning.
I doubt his wife introduces him with, "This is my handsome husband, Todd."
Todd was hot.
Patterns:
Abuse,
Alcoholism,
Crazy,
Introductions,
Marriage,
Wheel Of Fortune
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