Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Social Tip #198 - An Apple a Day Keeps The Garden Away

The original sin was eating an apple from the tree of knowledge, so why are we eating apples?

God: Listen, guys, I don't want to be the prick here, but you're forcing me to banish you.

Adam: Whatever. So what about this knowledge?

God: Rules, mostly. Don't eat any shellfish.

Eve: Okay... no shellfish... and no apples. Got it.

God: Oh no, you can still totally eat apples. Jesus, pay attention.

God is more like a dick manager at The Olive Garden than the Garden of Eden.

It's shit like this that's got people confused enough to eat disgusting, disgusting pig's feet. It is specifically said not to eat anything with cloven hooves, but the people down here are like, "So we can chop off the hooves and then eat the animal and the hooves?"

The REAL original sin? There shouldn't have been any apples to begin with.


DOG3OY said...

its all in the fine print

BrianAlt said...

My wife uses this excuse too.

myq said...

If you scramble "Olive Garden," you get "Garden o' Evil."

(And you don't even have to scramble the "garden" part.)

PS And Judaism actually tells people to eat apples for a sweet new year (with honey), so God's really setting us up.

Faith Georgia said...

I thought they figured out that it was a pear tree anyway. Pears! They are ripe for like five minutes and then way too soft.

Yep, definitely pear tree.

Matthew said...

Man, look what happened to that poor pig ... just because it ate an apple. Did God have it struck with lightening?

Matthew said...

Man, look what happened to that poor pig, just because it ate that apple. Did God have it struck by lightening?