Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Social Tip #243 - A Mid-Century Night's Nightmare

I got hit on at a bar by a much older man. He was good looking I guess for middle age but I don’t know if I’m ready to see fifty-year-old balls. I don’t think I’ve reached that level of depression. Although, ironically, just my being hit on by someone that old dragged my depression almost deep enough for me to consider it. I asked him what he did and he said, "I’m a painter." Oh, hot.

"You paint for a living?" I asked.

“Well, I paint.” he replied, and then he kept talking, "Professionally I sell mid-century furniture."

Wait.... did you say mid-century? Be still my beating clit. Why are you saying mid-century? I just know he used to tell women that he just sold furniture, but then one day he said "mid-century," and a woman crawled into his yellowed bed and he's been saying it ever since. What a cup full of yuck. Mid-century, that just means your sell your furniture, you old fuck.

On his way out he didn’t try to get my number, but he did come in real close, pat me on the back and say, ‘Good luck.” What is that supposed to mean? I’m not sure, but I think it means “I sell mid-century furniture... but I fuck contemporary pussy."

6 comments:

Kimberly Nishell said...

LOL!! I'm sure that is EXACTLY how it went down...that someone jumped at the utterance of "mid-century"...what? repeat that? ooohh! That is so unique"...

rachel cantor said...

aw I feel these are things you learn from craigslist.... like how east williamsburg means anything east of williamsburg (staten island)

Anonymous said...

It's 2011, he sells prefab crap in wal mart that's been around since 2005

Anonymous said...

You showed a lot of integrity and loyalty on katg. They are acting completely childish about the whole situation. You made a fan out of me for sure.

Danielle said...

You're amazing, funny, and genuine person and I love listening to you on KATG & reading your blog. A single project does not define who you are. I really hope you can separate the two and return to KATG, regardless of who is right or wrong.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

I'm sad that you talked your way out of a lime green formica kitchen table.