Social Tip #222 - Clear the Smoke Screen

I hate that weed is called a "gateway drug."

Weed isn't a gateway to anything. It isn't a gateway to other drugs, it isn't a gateway to a career, it isn't a gateway to washing your clothes.

Weed isn't a gateway to anything, except maybe thinking about getting more weed, the only side effect of which is stoner stress.

*stoner stress (n) - A weed smoker's anxiety that his drug dealer will arrive before he has had a chance to hit the ATM.

Social Tip #137 - Hit Rock Bottom

I bought a 12-step book that claimed an addict had to hit rock bottom before finding the strength to quit. That doesn't apply to me; there is no rock bottom for a weed smoker. The lowest I ever got was when I bought a 12-step book because I was too high to know what I was buying. And another time when I tried to smoke a candle wick.

Social Tip #121 - SMELL THE ROSES

A cop sped by me on a motorcycle as I was getting high on mushrooms in the park.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to slow down, you are missing all the illegal activity. You should be riding a horse."