Social Tip #239 - Ride With the Heaven's Devils

Normally when I see people riding bicycles, I'm like, "What are you, from the past? Or Chinese?"

That is, unless, Hasidic Jews are riding them. They're so far back in the past they make bikes look futuristic. Are they allowed to use something that advanced?

Social Tip #127 - Pay Your Dues

When a fetus gets aborted, does it go to heaven? What would it do there? I imagine it would just die anyway unless God created a little nursery with tiny incubators.

If it were up to me, the only abortions allowed to go to heaven would be the ones that participated in stem cell research.

Social Tip # 37 - Anorexia

When I was in middle school I was kind of fat. I mean, I wasn't as fat as those people who have to dress up like vampires so people won't notice how fat they are, but I did only have one friend. And she was anorexic. And I'm pretty sure she only hung out with me to make herself look thinner by comparison.

We ate lunch together everyday. She ate the same thing every day: 1 Diet Coke and 1 rice cake.

One day, while I was wolfing down my own lunch, she caught me staring at her as she was nibbling at her little fucking rice cake.

"What?" she asked

And I was like, "Can I have some?"

She died that year. I probably should have let her finish that rice cake.

Don't feel bad or anything, all anorexics go to heaven. There's enough room for them. It's not a space issue or anything.

Social Tip #22 - Heaven

If there is a heaven, where dead people go, then I imagine it looks something like a landfill of corpses, the way the population growth is going.