IKEA is a sterile hospital of modular asexuality. The people that go there mix and match their furniture the way they mix and match their neutral genitals.
I have a twin brother, a fact which some people react to strangely, as though we are a perversion of the identical parent trapping phenomenon they wished they were as kids. Instead, my brother and I are just two siblings who split a uterus for 8 months. Sometimes I get dumbly asked if me and my brother are identical or fraternal. I usually say that we are fraternal, the difference being that my dick is bigger.
Now when I tell people about my twin I try to spare their disappointment and say that we were both born as hermaphrodites, and that when we were born the doctor surgically defined our genders in an experiment to see which one we should have been.
