Social Tip #182 - Turn That Frown Upside-Down

On "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew" the doctor told this girl that she smiled all the time because she didn't want to show others how hurt she was on the inside, so now I try not to smile because I don't want people thinking I'm molested.

Social Tip #58 - Crying Sex

I made a short animation on how not to get laid in the city. Enjoy.

Social Tip #17 - Depression

After staring into my sock drawer for a couple hours I agreed to go to brunch with my boyfriend, where I spent another hour staring at the inside of a tofu scramble wrap. Black beans, salsa, bright yellow tofu. Mistakes have been made.

My boyfriend is a nice person who does not need to put up with my fits of depression but does so anyway because he is an eternal optimist. He doesn't see his girlfriend as half-depressed, he sees her as half-full of opportunities to have crying sex.

Boyfriend: Are you okay? Are you mad at me?

I shook my head "no" without looking at him.

Boyfriend: No to both?

Me: I'm not mad at you. I'm just in a funk.

That's when this curly-haired woman sitting to my right stopped talking on her phone and looked over at us.

Woman: Could you be any more morose? It is a beautiful day, you're in a nice restaurant with this nice guy trying to cheer you up and you can't find anything to be happy about. Are you kidding me?

Fuck. You.

Me: Yes. I'm kidding you. This is a comedy club. Here's my next joke: How could I not be depressed sitting next someone whose life is so empty that she has to shove her unimportance into a stranger's conversation? Now get back on your cell phone and continue to tell your therapist about how other people are dating other people.

I stared at her. She stared back at me.

Woman: Stop staring at me.

Me: I'm just waiting for you look away to be sure my conversation can continue uninterrupted.

The woman did not look away. Why wouldn't she just look away? I picked up her plate and dropped it onto the ground where its shattered into a few big pieces, leaving food remnants on both of our shoes.

Me: Thanks for cheering me up.

That's when I made the woman eat her destroyed meal off the floor and left.