Sunday, May 23, 2010

Social Tip #223 - Use Your Words

"Same diff."

Remember same diff? What did that mean?

"I was wrong."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Social Tip #222 - Clear the Smoke Screen

I hate that weed is called a "gateway drug."

Weed isn't a gateway to anything. It isn't a gateway to other drugs, it isn't a gateway to a career, it isn't a gateway to washing your clothes.

Weed isn't a gateway to anything, except maybe thinking about getting more weed, the only side effect of which is stoner stress.

*stoner stress (n) - A weed smoker's anxiety that his drug dealer will arrive before he has had a chance to hit the ATM.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Social Tip #221 - Sing Empty Nursery Rhymes

First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes the baby in the baby miscarriage.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Social Tip #220 - Interview With A Temp-Hire

I am not good at job interviews, but I don't think I should be. I am not interviewing to be an interviewee. One lady asked me what my five year plan was. I don't have a five year plan. I'm not totally straight with what I'm going to eat for lunch. I winged it and said, "I guess my five year plan will start with me leaving this interview and going to eat a bowl of soup. Don't worry, it won't be my first soup. I have a lot of soup experience. Once I get the job I'm just going to be walking your dogs, right? You won't be asking me questions that make me feel bad about my life decisions every time I come into work, right?"

If I had a real five year plan, I would have started it five years ago.