Thursday, April 29, 2010

Social Tip #219 - Won't You KGB My Neighbor?

So I'm going up the stairs and my angry Russian neighbor lunges out and screams "You walk like a pedophile!"

And I'm like, "What the fuck does that mean?"

I went around asking anyone who might know Russian about it, "Walking like a pedophile, is that like a thing you say? Does it mean anything?"

Because, to me, I would think a pedophile walks really quietly to not get caught.

It turned out nobody had ever heard of the phrase, so all I can think is that maybe my angry neighbor is angry because he was molested by somoene who wore high-heeled boots.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Social Tip #218 - Cut Deeply

I discovered that even though my family is Jewish, we also have a coat of arms.

It features the double-edged sword.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Social Tip #217 - Become a Cliche

Last night someone asked me "How's it going?"

And I responded, "Not so bad it hurts, not so good it pays."

And there it was: an instant classic.

No one ever wonders where these lines come from, but they come from me. They come from people like me. And I'm worried that this great thing I said will be lost to the masses so, for the record, I said it first.

I know it is petty to lay claim like this, but I am petty. I have to be, I don't have anything. I don't even have friends that I like. Credit is all I am going to get.

The only other alternative I have is using the line in real life and then quoting myself afterward:

"Not so bad it hurts, not so good it pays. -- Myka Fox"

It is no worse than what Twitter is -- a copyright center for egomaniacs.

Follow me:

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Social Tip #216 - Taste the Truth

Remember the tongue map?

Turns out, it was all a lie! Every part of your tongue can taste every taste.

Students have been testing the tongue map as a science project for generations, if we hadn't all been grade mongers or idiots that theory could have been disproved decades ago.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Social Tip #215 - Divide and Conquer

I wouldn't say I'm a fan of most abortions, but I am partial to birth abortions.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Social Tip #214 - Hang In There, Baby

I met someone who worked at a suicide hotline. I said that sounded like the worst job in the world, and that the people who work at suicide hotlines probably need to talk to somebody as much as the people who call in. She told me most people who volunteer at suicide hotlines have actually attempted suicide themselves.

That makes sense. Those who can't do, teach.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Social Tip #213 - Find Shlomo

It depresses me to see twins and triplets dressed up the same, and today I saw over one hundred Hasidic Jews in the park. It's wrong to say that any one race looks alike, but they are doing it on purpose.

It's like a practical joke by the Jews on everyone else, originally, and now on themselves.

"Hey uh, lets all freak everyone out and wear the same thing tomorrow. And everyday. Forever. It'll be a hoot."

Their world is a Hasidic Where's Waldo.